CHAPTER 1
Wake up, Enrique! Rise and shine!” Hugo said to his human boy, just like he did every morning. “Time for another fun and busy day!”
Hugo knew that to Enrique, his words just sounded like some excited whines and panting, but he was confident he was getting his point across. Hugo dropped a granola bar on Enrique’s face (for Enrique’s breakfast) and also brought a tennis ball (for Hugo’s fetch).
I wonder if Enrique will want to play before or after he eats, thought Hugo. Or, whoa, maybe before and after? And during? He wagged his fluffy golden tail and nudged Enrique’s arm with his head. It had been a while since Enrique had wanted to play at all in the morning, but maybe today was the day!
“Ugh! Come back in ten minutes!” Enrique said, rolling over in his bed and gently pushing Hugo away.
But Hugo knew that ten more minutes could make Enrique late for camp. Hugo liked to think of himself as not just the family dog, but also the family’s assistant and schedule keeper.
So he hopped onto the bed and licked Enrique’s face even more playfully. Enrique can’t resist waking up and playing with me now, he thought.
“Ugh, golden retrievers are the worst alarm clocks ever!” Enrique exclaimed.
Weird, thought Hugo. I feel like I’m the best alarm clock ever. Most alarm clocks can’t even drool!
At least it was working. Enrique was now awake and unwrapping the granola bar. Hugo tried nudging the tennis ball toward the bed again.
“Not now, Hugo,” Enrique mumbled groggily. He got up and kicked the ball away, sending it rolling under his dresser.
Great, Hugo thought. Now I’m gonna have to stare at the bottom of this dresser for an hour. But first, he had more work to do. He made his way to the next stop on his morning route, the kitchen. Surely the rest of the family would be happy to see him, and maybe someone else would want to play.
But Hugo quickly realized how wrong he was. The kitchen that morning was pure madness. Mom and Dad were running around wildly in their nice work clothes, barking at the kids and at each other. Zoe had accidentally spilled milk all over the table and was trying to push it back into the glass. Sofia was frantically running around looking for her backpack. Mom was shouting up the stairs to make sure Enrique was awake, while Dad was finishing packing everyone’s lunches. Hugo took a deep breath and quickly got to work making everyone’s lives easier.
First he grabbed Sofia’s soccer cleats from the hall closet. Sofia was ten in people years, and very good at soccer, even though Hugo still didn’t understand how humans could run without falling over, since they had only two legs.
Hugo padded back into the kitchen with the cleats hanging from his mouth just as Mom was asking Sofia, “Don’t you have soccer today?” Perfect timing, as always!
“Thanks, Hugo,” said Sofia, grabbing the cleats and shoving them into her backpack.
All the kids—Sofia, Zoe, and Enrique—had started running out to wait for the camp bus when Hugo caught something out of the corner of his eye. It was Zoe’s lunch, still sitting on the counter! Zoe was the youngest, only five years old, and was always forgetting things. Hugo whined and barked until Mom noticed the lunch bag and called out to Zoe. She ran back in, and Mom put it in her backpack. There, that was better!
“Thanks, Mom!” Zoe yelled, running back out the door.
“Thank Hugo!” Mom replied. “Oh, Hugo, I don’t know what we’d do without you!”
Just doing my job, ma’am, thought Hugo.
“He’d be better if he was still a little puppy, though,” said Zoe. “Puppies are so fun!”
Hugo looked down at his front paws sadly. When he was a puppy, everybody had fawned over him. Then he grew up, and everyone got busy. Should he have stayed a puppy? Was that even possible? He’d have to look into it. Mom quickly covered his ears with her hands, but he could still hear what she said.
“You don’t mean that, Zoe,” she said. “You need to grow out of this puppy phase.”
“I’ll never grow out of it! I love puppies,” said Zoe. “They’re so tiny and cute and new! I want a puppy for my birthday. Don’t forget. If I don’t get a puppy, my birthday will be ruined!”
Zoe could be a bit dramatic. But as he watched her put on her backpack, he was struck with a memory. Back when he was a puppy, that backpack had belonged to Sofia. He used to crawl inside of it before she left for preschool, and he was so small that he could fit his whole body in there with his little head poking out, barking happily. The whole family used to laugh and laugh, and talk about how funny it would be if Sofia took Hugo to school. Enrique would run around singing, “Backpack dog! Backpack dog! Hugo is a backpack dog!”
He loved making them laugh, but it had been a while since he had done anything that silly. If he tried crawling into Zoe’s backpack now, there was no way he would fit, not to mention it would make her late for the bus. Hugo missed the feeling that he was making his people happy just by being himself. Maybe his family hadn’t become too busy. Maybe he’d become less fun. He tried to shake off this thought, lift his tail, and return to his normal, helpful self.
“Well, you’d better think of some other presents you might want,” Mom told Zoe. “Or it’s going to be a pretty disappointing birthday.”
Hugo gave Zoe a big lick on the cheek. No hard feelings, he thought. Kids will be kids.
Zoe sulked out the door right as the bus was arriving, and all three kids climbed on.
Suddenly the house was very quiet, but it still wasn’t calm. Mom and Dad were buzzing around, grabbing all their papers for work and putting them into various folders and briefcases. Hugo didn’t know what they did all day, but he guessed it had something to do with paper. Maybe they ate the paper? If so, they were very lucky.
Hugo grabbed another tennis ball and pushed it toward Mom, but she waved him away.
“Not now, Hugo! I’m sorry.”
That’s okay, thought Hugo. I still have lots to do to keep busy. I’ll just go get ready for my morning walk. So he went back to the hall closet, picked up his leash in his mouth, and sat by the door.
Finally Mom noticed him.
“Oh no,” she said, looking at Hugo and then at her watch. “I have a nine o’clock meeting; I can’t walk Hugo.”
Dad looked at his watch and frowned. Humans were always looking at their watches and frowning, Hugo noticed.
“I’m teaching a class at nine fifteen,” said Dad.
“Well, he’ll just have to go to Good Dogs, then.”
“More doggy day care? We spent two hundred and fifty dollars there last month! For that price, Hugo should be learning how to read and write.”
Hugo knew this was a joke, but he was a bit disappointed that Dad didn’t realize he could read. It was just that whenever he tried to read out loud, everyone told him to stop barking.
Hugo followed the conversation back and forth.
“What else can we do? He needs to get exercise.”
“I thought Enrique agreed he would start walking him in the mornings. That kid begged us for a dog. And now—”
“You know the kids love having a dog, but—” Mom looked down at her watch again. “Oh shoot,” she groaned. “I really have to go.”
She grabbed Hugo’s leash, and they headed out the door, down the tree-lined street dotted with charming little houses. One of those houses, around the corner, was Good Dogs.
Hugo liked going there. The owner, Erin, was really nice and always gave good pats and scratches, but he couldn’t get something Mom had said out of his head: The kids love having a dog, BUT . . .
But what? Hugo had always thought he was an essential part of the household. The fuzzy, drooly glue that held it all together. Was he wrong?
“Who’s a good dog?”
Startled awake, Lulu opened her eyes to find the wide brown eyes and eager smile of her owner, Jasmine, two inches from her face.
“Who’s a good dog?” Jasmine asked again.
It was early, and Lulu was still waking up, but she knew the answer right away. Easy, she thought. It’s me. She wagged her tail.
“Who’s a very good dog?”
These questions are all so easy, Lulu scoffed to herself. Me again.
“Who’s the cutest, most beautiful, perfect, sweetest doggy in the whole wide world?”
Okay, whoa, a curveball, thought Lulu. This is a tough one. Sweetest and cutest? Hmm. She thought for a moment. All right, got it, she concluded. It’s me!!!
“You’re my good dog! Yes, you are! Yes, you are!”
Yes, I am! I was right! I was right! thought Lulu.
Jasmine scratched Lulu all over, and Lulu gave a big hanging-tongue smile.
“All right, Lulu, time to get up!”
Lulu stretched her legs and rolled over onto her side. She wished she could stay in her cozy bed—which was made of memory foam, covered in pink satin sheets, and had a velvet canopy—for just a few more minutes. Lulu realized her bed must have been unusually fancy for a dog, because every time one of Jasmine’s friends came over, they’d say, “Lulu’s bed is nicer than mine!”
But you had to work hard to deserve such elegance. That was why Lulu always listened to Jasmine when she said, “Get up!”
So, Lulu got up that morning the way she always did: perfectly. She did everything perfectly. She walked perfectly, she ate perfectly, and she wagged her tail perfectly (keeping it at a respectable seventy-degree angle at all times). Lulu knew that getting up was just the first in a long line of perfect things she would do today. After all, there was a reason more than half the captions on the @LulusPerfectLife Instagram read simply, “Perfect.”
Did being this good ever get a little boring? Lulu didn’t have time for thoughts like that. She was too busy doing her best downward dog (or, as she liked to think of it, a “downward ME!”), then leaping into Jasmine’s open arms and licking her owner’s face.
Ah, the face, Lulu thought to herself. A little salty, but really the most delicious part of the person.
“Today is a big day, Lu!” Jasmine said.
Lulu didn’t need to be reminded. If everything went as planned, today would be the day Lulu and Jasmine hit five thousand followers on Instagram. Lulu didn’t know much math, but she knew that five thousand was a very big number. Possibly the biggest number in the world, judging by how excited Jasmine was to reach it. Hitting that number would surely place her among the ranks of the greatest celebri-dogs on Instagram, like MollieTheCollie, Sir Maximus Bark, and Lil’ Stinky.
But most important, today Lulu and Jasmine were going to get a pedicure together to celebrate! A pedicure for Jasmine, a pet-icure for Lulu. The perfect day.
“Let’s get to work,” Jasmine said excitedly as she pushed open double French doors to reveal Lulu’s closet. It was filled with every outfit, costume, and accessory a dog could ever want. Everything was bejeweled, bedazzled, and be-eautiful.
My closet would make the queen jealous, Lulu always thought. And of course by queen, she meant Beyoncé.
“Okay, Lu, what do you want to be today?” asked Jasmine, holding up several outfits. “A ballet dancer at a construction site? An astronaut on vacation? A pickle at a rodeo?”
They had been through many outfits already, and didn’t want to repeat, so they were starting to get creative. Just yesterday Lulu had dressed up as a lobster in a tuxedo (and it had gotten 2,032 likes!).
Jasmine held up the pickle costume invitingly, but today Lulu had something a little more glamorous in mind. After all, her fans at the salon were going to want to take a lot of selfies with her, so she needed to look her absolute best. She walked over to her “diva” outfit—a rhinestone-studded vest with a matching skirt, pillbox hat, and sparkly high-heeled shoes—and pawed at it gently.
Jasmine nodded thoughtfully, her hand on her chin. “Of course,” she whispered. “Your fashion sense is, as always, flawless.”
Once Lulu was in her fabulous outfit, she walked over to the dog-length mirror to take a look. At first she barked—there was another Yorkshire terrier staring back at her! WHO WAS THIS IMPOSTOR IN HER HOME?! Even worse, she was wearing the exact same outfit! A true fashion faux paw!
Then she realized it was just her reflection. What a relief! Mirrors, thought Lulu. One day I’ll figure you out.
Ding! Lulu heard a timer go off, which could mean only one thing:
“Time for breakfast, girl!” Jasmine exclaimed.
Lulu followed Jasmine to the kitchen and delicately climbed up the tower of pink velvet pillows to take her place at the table. Today’s breakfast, for both girls, was a goat cheese tartine with poached egg. Lulu’s favorite! Jasmine adjusted their plates to get the best lighting and snapped a few Instagram photos from different angles. Lulu knew that breakfast was a very important meal, and that photography was a very important part of breakfast.
When Jasmine was finished, Lulu dug into her meal—daintily, of course, taking small, enthusiastic bites.
“Lulu, I had the most bizarre dream last night,” Jasmine said. As Jasmine chatted, Lulu remembered a dream of her own. She was completely naked in public at the dog park, and everyone was staring! She didn’t even have a bow, or a tiara, or anything! Thankfully, it had just been a dream.
“And that’s when I noticed it was me the whole time!” Jasmine finished, and Lulu realized she had zoned out and missed the whole dream. She would make sure to listen more intently next time. She knew that a good dog listens, even when her human is being a bore.
“Time to snap some pics,” said Jasmine, and Lulu struck a pose. They got some runway photos of Lulu strutting her stuff, some “Just Chillin’” photos, and, as always, some silly face photos for fun. Jasmine showed them to Lulu, and Lulu barked to pick her favorite: the one where she was wearing big, heart-shaped sunglasses and pretending to read a celebrity gossip magazine.
“Right again. This one is so good,” Jasmine agreed as she selected a filter. “What should the caption be . . . ? Ah! I know. ‘Woke up like this. Hashtag LulusPerfectLife,’” Jasmine said as she typed.
I didn’t wake up like this, though, Lulu thought. You put me in this outfit! But she didn’t protest. It was a good caption, even if it wasn’t exactly #true.
Jasmine read Lulu some of the best comments from the day before.
“‘OMG, what an adorable face!’” Jasmine read.
“More please,” Lulu said with her eyes as she nuzzled into Jasmine’s lap. Hearing from her fans made her feel special and inspired her to be the best dog she could be.
“DogGuy24 says, ‘What a floofy poof!’ He says that on every picture of you, actually. He’s kind of obsessed.”
Well, I am a floofy poof, Lulu thought. DogGuy24 isn’t wrong.
“‘I’d love to meet Lulu someday! She seems like such a good dog!’”
Wow, another smart person. One thing Lulu loved about the internet was how everyone was always so polite, thoughtful, and correct.
“Ooh! Before I forget, I should go get your special T-R-E-A-T!”
Lulu wasn’t positive, but she had a feeling those letters spelled snack! So she started wagging her tail accordingly. Jasmine came back with a treat Lulu had never seen before: a dry-looking, greenish bar with the unmistakable smell of the ocean.
“It’s an organic dehydrated seaweed bar! The company sent it free, just for you!”
Well, it doesn’t smell good, thought Lulu, but maybe it tastes good. So she took a bite.
YUCK! It did not taste good, either.
“I know it’s a little gross, babe, but we have to take one picture with it, for sponcon.”
Lulu knew that sponcon was short for sponsored content. That was when companies paid Jasmine to post pictures of Lulu using their products. Sometimes the products were fun toys and yummy treats, but sometimes, like now, they were gross and weirdly slimy.
“You know,” said Jasmine. “This treat hasn’t even been released yet. You might be the first dog to try it.”
Even though it tasted like dry, salty garbage, Lulu felt proud knowing that she was the first dog to try this particular dry, salty garbage. So, with Jasmine’s help, she pretended it looked interesting for the sake of the photo. This part of the job wasn’t always fun—pretending to like something she didn’t—but it was all part of being a Famous Personality with an Instagram Following.
“Oh my gosh,” exclaimed Jasmine. “We’ve been having so much fun getting you glammed up that I haven’t even gotten dressed.”
Jasmine unpinned her hair so that it fell around her shoulders in soft curls, and then Lulu watched as she scrambled around, looking for the perfect outfit. Jasmine’s closet was much smaller than Lulu’s, but she usually had a much harder time deciding what to wear.
She probably also wants to look glamorous and selfie-ready for the nail salon, thought Lulu. Good thinking, Jasmine!
“I have a huge audition today,” Jasmine said.
Lulu pricked her ears curiously. That’s odd, she thought. Auditions usually take a few hours. I wonder if she’ll do it before or after our pedicure.
Jasmine was an actress who went on lots of auditions, but she rarely described them as “huge.” Now she was busy explaining why this part was the “role of a lifetime” while she shimmied into a black dress, boots, and a fuzzy cardigan.
“My agent said a lot of girls are going in for the part, but I know I’d be perfect. It’s a woman who tragically dies and then comes back as a ghost! Watch this!”
Jasmine suddenly stood very still in the middle of the room. Her eyes went blank. She gripped her stomach with her hands, and started to act:
“How could you do this? How could you, Sandra?! I thought we were friends! Sandra. SANDRAAAAA!!!” She lifted her hand to her forehead, fell dramatically onto the bed, and lay there motionless, letting her tongue fall out of her mouth.
Then Jasmine sat up cheerfully and turned to Lulu. “So? What did you think? Be honest.”
But Lulu just whined, her mind still on the pedicure and how they’d probably be late if they didn’t leave soon.
“Hey! I worked really hard on that! I thought I pretty much nailed it.”
Lulu turned her head away, unimpressed.
Why does Jasmine care so much about this audition? Lulu wondered. Auditions can’t be nearly as fun as glamorous photo shoots and pedicures with me. Lulu couldn’t sassily toss her hair, but if she could have, she would have.
“Whatever,” said Jasmine. “I have a really good feeling about this audition. But hey, it means we have to reschedule our pedicures this afternoon.”
Oh no. Lulu whined again and buried her face in her paws. She had really been looking forward to their pedicure date.
“I know, I’m sorry. But you’ll be doing something just as fun!”
That’s when Lulu realized that Jasmine was grabbing her leash and her special travel bag, which could only mean one thing . . .
“Okay, girl, let’s get you over to Good Dogs!”
Lulu’s tail stiffened and dropped. She huffed. Good Dogs was the doggy day care that Jasmine’s neighbor Erin ran. It wasn’t so bad, but it was full of dogs. And Lulu didn’t really think of herself as a “dog.” She was more of a tiny fancy person with a tail and fur and, only once, fleas.
“Oh, come on,” said Jasmine. “It’ll be fine!”
Yeah, maybe if she were any other dog! But she was not—she was @LulusPerfectLife!
Grass, squirrel, tree, grass, bird! Those were just a few of the thoughts racing through King’s head as he ran through the park.
Grass, bush, bee, another dog, squirrel! More grass!
Wow, for a one-year-old puppy, I sure am good at noticing things, he thought as he tried to keep up with his owner, Erin, and his sister, Cleo, a German shepherd mix. King wasn’t sure exactly what breed he was—Erin said he was part border collie—but he knew that Cleo’s legs were twice as long as his.
So many dogs in this park, and from the smell of it, they all have butts! King mused, before getting distracted by several more smells.
What’s that smell? A spot where another dog peed? Wow! The world has so much to offer! Should I go smell it? he asked himself. Should I pee there too? No, I should keep running. But then it hit him: a smell so exciting he forgot about the pee spot.
It was the smell of HOT DOGS. There must have been a cart nearby. King had never eaten a hot dog before (they weren’t included in the strict diet Erin fed them), but now the beautiful scent of grilled meat wafted toward him and made him stop in his tracks. Where was it coming from? It must be just over—
“King! You can’t just stop moving. We’re running!” It was Cleo, who had turned around, urging King to keep up the pace.
“Sorry, I just smelled some hot dogs! Do you smell those??” King panted breathlessly.
“Those aren’t for us!”
“But they have ‘dogs’ right there in the name . . .”
“Come on, King,” Cleo said. “If you want to be a good dog in the agility contests, you need to learn to FOCUS! Stop being such an amateur.”
King knew he was acting a little scattered, but those hot dogs just smelled so amazing! He whined, and Erin tugged on his leash.
“Let’s go, King! Keep up the pace!” Erin said.
King started running again, trying to forget the salty, fatty smell of the hot dogs. He did want to be a good dog in the agility contests. He wanted to be better than last time.
“I will learn to focus,” King called to Cleo, who was several strides ahead of him. “I am a serious dog! You’ll see!”
Cleo and Erin were both older, taller, and faster than King. He had to run really fast to keep up with their pace. Boy, he thought, I’m going to collapse as soon as I get home!
King was right: He collapsed as soon as he got home. His legs were tired (from running), his tail was tired (from wagging), and his nose was tired (from smelling pee and hot dogs). He and Cleo rested under the kitchen table while Erin worked the blender.
King was starting to learn what the blender sound meant: smoothies for Erin and her boyfriend, Jin, and homemade dog food creations for King and Cleo.
By the time the blender was done whirring, King was digging into his mix of hard-boiled eggs, peas, oatmeal, and cottage cheese. It was NOT his favorite, but Erin said these breakfasts would help “maximize his potential,” and she seemed to think that was really important! It tasted VERY different from the puppy food he’d eaten at the shelter (which was dry and crunchy) and also very different from how he imagined a hot dog might taste (probably hot and delicious), but if it would make him big and strong and help him do better at his next agility competition, he wanted to eat as much of it as possible.
At the last contest, King had come in second to last, which Cleo said was not okay. In his defense, there was SO much grass to smell! He had just gotten a little distracted. Erin had told him it was fine; he’d do better next time. But King knew Erin hadn’t taken him home from the shelter to have a distracted, grass-sniffing, second-to-last dog. He wanted to make her proud!
Just as he was finishing up his breakfast, King noticed something out of the corner of his eye. It was Jin, coming downstairs with a box covered in ribbons and colorful paper. And he was walking right toward Erin!
“What is that?” wondered King. Something about the look on Jin’s face told him that it was something special. “It looks like some kind of TREAT! Is it a treat?!” King wagged his tail eagerly.
“Calm down, buddy, and don’t get any funny ideas,” Cleo responded. “It’s a gift for Erin. Today’s her birthday.”